Good night, New Moon

I never actually got around to writing about Dawn’s and my New Moon adventure, which took place on the night of the New Moon premiere way back on November 19, 2009. So I'm only like two months behind. Let me just preface this by saying that there was a ton of buildup to the movie, like I read every blog post, watched every interview, bought every magazine that featured the RPattz. Did you guys see that Vanity Fair spread? Jeebus. The six months of build up culminated in our celebration. I mean, I don’t think I’d ever been this excited for a movie’s premiere since Titanic and that’s only because I loved me some Leo DiCaprio when I was 13. Who am I kidding, I still love him. But I digress, I bought tickets for the midnight showing six weeks in advance for this latest Twilight installment and still didn’t even get the best seats. That's how big this thing is.

People are apeshit for this saga. And for Robert Pattinson, which is obviously warranted because he's sexy.

Anyway, Dawn’s parents were in town, so they graciously invited me to dinner with them at Gordon Biersch. I started the evening as I commence most evenings, in an extremely decadent fashion, partaking in lobster mac and cheese action. I really couldn’t concentrate on the dinner though since we were about to see New Moon! RPattz! I’m a fangirl in the worse sense.

Dawn and I attended the one night only repeat showing of Twilight at 8 PM along with some other die hards, but I think our theater was pretty tame. There were a few girls wearing Team Edward shirts, some with Twilight paraphernalia, but overall nothing crazy. I mean, we didn’t have anyone dress up like Alice or Rosalie or anything like that. Dawn and I certainly wouldn’t be caught dead in costume, just in case that shit ended up on the internet or something. Could you imagine? We’d never live it down. I'm a huge fan, but I ain't willing to compromise my dignity.

After the first movie was over, we headed back to my place for a power nap, which shows you how pathetic and old we are. I couldn’t even make it to midnight without a nap. But in my defense, I was two days post call, so I was already exhausted.

By the time we were back to the theater for the premiere, I was in full form though, and super duper excited. That’s right, super duper. We bought souvenir cups of soda, which was definitely needed to boost energy, and plus I like drinking from a cup with RPattz's face on it. That's only a little disturbing to me, BTW.

And then the magic started. First, we were rewarded with a trailer for Robert Pattinson’s upcoming Remember Me, which but for Evil Tess, looks like it’s going to be moderately good. I do love Chris Cooper’s acting and Pierce Brosnan is a silver fox. And I want to see Letters to Juliet because A. I like Amanda Seyfried and B. They played Taylor Swift’s Love Story in the trailer. Whoever made that happen is a genius.

When the movie started with that huge image of the yellow moon eclipsing, I about peed myself, it was so exciting. And thoughts on the movie?

It was phenomenal, for what the material is. I mean, you have to remember, this is Twilight, not Gone with the Wind. Chris Weitz, who was already one of my favorite directors because of About a Boy and American Pie, did an incredible job bringing the book to life. It was so accurate, and even though most people who hadn’t seen the movie argued that it was slow and boring, that’s how it was in the book. New Moon is my least favorite of the saga, but the movie kicked ass because it was true to the story.

Edward leaving Bella was so painful, I definitely teared up. Plus, Edward's tweed suit was just so severe. The wardrobe was a little awkward, not gonna lie. Except the shirtless part, that was completely necessary. Speaking of shirtless, you really felt Taylor Lautner’s Jacob growing in his role as Bella’s best friend and burgeoning love interest.

The movie obviously needed more Pattinson, but I mean, that’s just the nature of how it went down in the book. My favorite scene was definitely when he was walking towards her in slow motion for the first time. I died. He’s gorgeous.

I thought Kristen Stewart did a much better job this time around, especially in the very notable passing months scene, where she looks dead. Plus, they paired that scene with the very haunting Lykke Li tune, Possibility. The soundtrack is fantastic, by the way, I mean Slow Life by Grizzly Bear is one of the saddest songs I’ve heard in a while. And Roslyn by Bon Iver? Perfection.

Billy Burke was very cute as Chief Swan again, and Ashley Greene was definitely more like the Alice I envisioned whilst reading the book this time around. And the Volturi were cast perfectly. I mean, Michael Sheen is an amazing actor, as is Dakota Fanning, and they were all super creepy.

And jeebus, Taylor Lautner’s abs. That’s all I can say until he turns 18. Only like two weeks, right?

The movie was much funnier this time around, which was nice because it is a serious book. People were laughing in the theater at a lot of parts that probably weren’t supposed to be funny, but it was midnight and we were at a freaking showing of Twilight.

I don’t want to ruin the ending for anyone, but OMG can you say cliffhanger? Loved it! I've seen the movie three times in theaters, once by myself. First movie I've ever seen by myself.

This makes me very excited for Eclipse, although I feel like the excitement has died down quite a bit since New Moon was released. In part, I think it’s because RPattz and KStew have been laying low (except over the New Year’s holiday) and after the press tour they’ve been MIA. Also, everyone in the cast has been involved in different projects, including Taylor Lautner's movie Valentine's Day with ex-gf Taylor Swift...I seriously will be like the first in line for this movie. It's about my birthday! And it has Bradley Cooper! And Patrick Dempsey! And Hector Elizondo! And George Lopez! Wait, what?

Anyway, we eventually went to Burger King to grab some New Moon gift cards (I got the Edward one, obvs), and I think the manager felt second hand embarrassed for the two grown women who were buying Twilight gift cards that he gave us the fan pack with trading cards for free. I appreciated that. I really wanted to steal the Edward cut out from outside the BK. Somehow I think the King would show up outside my window though and that would not be cool. That guy scares the shite out of me.

Anyway, June 30, I am there at the theater. Eclipse was my favorite book and I'm excited to see how it will pan out. And since I've recruited her to the dark side, Dawn will be right there with me. See what Twilight does? It brings people together. You go, Twilight.

When did this become a Twilight blog?

I swear I have a life outside of Twilight. I promise. However, the New Moon frenzy is just about to kick into high gear as we head towards the home stretch before November 20th.

The MTV VMAs were last night and because I am so devoted to Edward Cullen & Co, I had to watch to catch a glimpse of my vampire boyfriend. Surprisingly it wasn't a letdown. By now, anyone who cared to have watched knows the big shit that went down last night.

1. Taylor vs Kanye: I don't listen to country music. Period. I mean, I listen to Johnny Cash and like Tammy Wynette and Patsy Cline, but really, I don't. Taylor Swift wins the award for best female, and she goes up there in her sparkly (overdoing it a little for the VMAs) dress and she's all nervous and giggly. Then for some inexplicable reason, Kanye West storms the stage, grabs the mic and states that "Beyonce made one of the greatest videos of all time."

Two things are wrong with this. First of all, what the fuck, get off the stage, Kanye. Taylor won the award, let the girl have her moment. Who the fuck died and made you the accountant who always rigs the voting at Price Waterhouse? The look on her face was just like pure hatred towards him, she looked shocked and dismayed and humiliated. It's that look on your face where you have just been cussed out. I would know that look, I've cussed a few people out in my day. I thrive on that look, but that's another story for another time.

Number 2, Single Ladies is not one of the greatest videos ever. Just because Beyonce wears a bodysuit and prances around does not make it some sort of artistic vision. I would not put it up there with Thriller or my all time favorite video Weezer's Buddy Holly. Plus, that song annoys me, the premise is lame. If you liked it you should have put a ring on it. Umm, marriage sucks, don't encourage that, Beyonce.

Eventually, Taylor got hers because she kicked ass in her performance and Beyonce brought her up on stage at the end to finally give her speech. They were both very classy ladies, and Taylor won herself a new fan...I couldn't get that damn song out of my head the whole day. And so I illegally downloaded it. Thanks Ms. Swift.

2. Muse: God, how much does Muse kick ass? I love them. As my twitter stated, "Matt Bellamy, marry me, iwanttohaveyourbabies." And I do. And you know how I feel about the institution of marriage as above. They killed their performance so hard, MTV showed a little bit of Starlight as well. I can't believe this was their first American TV appearance, get your heads out of your asses, America and listen up. Muse is one of the best bands to come out of the UK in a long time, and they've been around for awhile now. Hope another one of their songs is on the New Moon soundtrack. I love Uprising.

3. New Moon Trailer. Okay, so Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson introduced the extended scenes trailer during the telecast. OMG. I already wrote about the trailer a few days ago when I saw it, and this one was pretty much the same, except that Edward says, "You can go to hell," in this version which is awesome. He really does look like shit in that scene, so good job makeup people. It's hard to make perfection look ugly. The same is true for the converse, which is why KStew was total win last night.

I'm not saying she's ugly, not at all...in fact, I kinda love her so I would never say that. But I just can't get behind her mullet. But last night, she had the party in the back all pinned up and the business in the front was all sideswept and she looked AMAZING. Her nude toned Valentino mini dress was adorable, and showed off her greatest assets, her legs. Her rock and republic shoes were killer too. Her eye makeup was perfect and for the first time in awhile (probably since MTV movie awards) she really looked worthy of Pattinson, who was totally ripped.


Does it matter? No, he was barely intelligible and he probably stank worse than some of my patients (although who doesn't like the smell of Bourbon mixed with Gin) but it does not matter. It also does not matter what he wore because he could wear a parachute pants and I'd still think him sexy. And oh god, Taylor Lautner. I'm going to abstain from saying anything that could be misconstrued as a sexual innuendo until Mr. Lautner turns 18. I'm just saying, whoever dressed him and tousled his hair just so deserves a freaking cookie. There were so many key moments, from TLaut and Shakira to Robsten just eye fucking the shit out of each other on stage to the actual trailer itself. I freaking love my DVR, you know I watched that shit over and over.

The picture above is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen (at least this weekend). That is a boyfriend hug. Poor third wheeling Taylor. I don't get Summit's worry that people wont' buy into Kristen and Taylor's chemistry if she and Rob date. Like real life Edward and Bella. That's great publicity. Plus, Taylor is like 12 years old, and obviously could not keep up with hard living KStew. Most people also realize that they are fictional characters, they've read the books so they know who she ends up with, plus, no one is rooting for Bella and Jacob anyway. Team Edward, baby.

4. Going Gaga: I really like Lady Gaga's music. Put poker face or Just Dance on and I will bust a move, guaranteed. I don't really get her schtick though, like it feels like she is just trying so hard to be edgy. It feels tired. Plus, she actually does look like a dude. And she has the strangest accent I've ever heard, it's like not American, but it's not any other recognized union either.

5. Pink's acrobatics. Holy crap. I'm not really a huge P!nk fan, because I think she tries to hard to be in your face, but her trapeze performance was awesome. Like, that is some serious athleticism and vocal talent to be able to not huff and puff through that.

6. Adam Brody! Someone found him! I thought I saw his face on a milk carton, he'd been missing for so long. Unfortch, he got forced into doing some shitty movie called Jennifer's Body with Megan Fox and the effervescent Amanda Seyfried (who will always be Mean Girls Karen) by his captors. Whatever, I'm glad he's still alive and looking pretty nerdy hot still. I hope he has a dartboard with Hayden Christensen's photo on it. I loved me some Summeth.

The other performances were all pretty decent, and Russell Brand obviously wasn't really allowed to talk this year, so that was good. There's only so much nasally British I can take.

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On a serious note, RIP Patrick Swayze.