Sunday, July 19, 2009

I know I'm like five months too late with this post.

Sorry it's been awhile since I updated this thing...I'm on neurosurgery, so sue me.

So far this month, I've drilled five burr holes into various skulls, placed an extraventricular drain, done countless rectals (yay for spine call...not) and drained two subdurals. It is truly frightening to think that I have sewn into a living person's that shouldn't be allowed, especially if you've seen my physiologic tremor. Yay for being a surgeon!

But, I don't want to talk about neurosurgery or being a doctor...I want to talk about Twilight.


So, it has come to my attention that there have been some pretty rampant rumors about my favorite sparkly vampire actor and his co-star. I'm talking about Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart if you're not in the know (I will refer to them as Robsten from here on out). Now let me preface by saying that I am a fan of this pairing, even though it is of little consequence to my life or the lives of others around me. "Shipping" as they call supporters of a specific coupling, is probably the most irrelevant thing on the planet, but there is something so inexplicable about wanting two people to be together. It's not like me willing for something to happen between these two people is going to actually make something happen...I understand that fully, but it doesn't stop me from reading gossip sites and mags and hoping that the speculation is true. It's very odd and I'm not sure I'm proud of that. Whatever.

First the internets were all abuzz at the prospect of Robsten being together, with Rob hopping on a red eye to see his supposed love in LA a few weekend ago (huge speculation, as if he'd have no other business in LA than to see her), and there was news that KStew might be pregnant. Now reports are that he's dumped her for Emilie de Ravin, his latest costar. I will refer to her as Tess because no matter what projects she chooses, even if she one day wins the Nobel Peace Prize, she will remain hated in my heart for tearing Max and Liz apart on Roswell. Tess is pure evil. I am not a fan.

I read Robert Pattinson news all day long on my of my favorite sites, Robsessed, always has tons of pictures to keep me satiated. You can find tons of pics of him every single day. Like, actually like every hour of the day. Check it out, you'll see why every woman in America wants a piece. These sites posting these pics from his Remember Me movie set keeps the paps in business, which I'm sure he's thrilled about. I personally like the ones where he's shirtless on the set of New Moon in "Volterra."

Let's address rumor # 1: Are they or aren't they?

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, the conclusion is...I don't know. You thought I was going to have some concrete evidence, didn't you? No, fooled you, suckers. Really though, it's inconsequential if they're together right now. I think they have a deep connection between costars, and well you can't really get more deeply connected than the way I'm thinking. I can tell you that when they were filming New Moon, they did seem to have a higher level of comfort with each other, which seems appropriate since they'd already worked together on the first movie and spent numerous weeks alone together on a grueling press tour.

Who sits like that exactly?

There were the late night bar sojourns in which they looked very "friendly" (I always look that friendly when I'm drunk though) and the shared cab rides back to their respective hotels where their legs were all entwined and shit. Then apparently Kristen shouted out Rob's name during a pivotal scene between Bella and Edward. Real life blurring the lines of reel life? Only Robsten (and probably most of their bodyguards and handlers) know for sure. Along with that, there were reports of stolen kisses and a rendezvous in Italy, which, well if you're going to have a rendezvous, have it there!

I seriously died that this point.

Then there was the MTV Movie Awards. Oh the MTV Movie Awards, when I felt my uterus weep as they had their almost kiss...that was so painful for me. They do have electric chemistry, and they are both gorgeous...I mean, like I said, if I were her and I had the opportunity, I'd probably rape him. Like, it would literally take negative exertion from him to get me on him. The morning after, the two were caught saying their early morning goodbyes behind a tinted car window after spending a night in a bungalow at the Charlie Hotel. Now, hotels are usually big, they've usually got more than one room, but I don't know if you're acquainted with this's pretty fucking romantic. Like, I would not take my mom there. But, KStew's mother was actually present that AM for the sendoff as well. Interesting. Let's leave it at that.

Then there's the whole Michael Angarano thing. He was KStew's long time boyfriend before this Rob Pattinson dude showed up and fucked things up for him. I say "was" because I haven't seen pictures of them together since early in New Moon filming. He's been in LA, and she's been in LA, and yet they've not been seen together...curious. I'd fucking beat my boyfriend if we were in the same city and we didn't see each other. Plus, she is rarely seen with former BFF Nikki Reed, who is an Angarano friend and former alleged Pattinson paramour. If KStew and RPattz are doing it, things would be a little awkward between the three of them, to say the least.

Look closely at the watch. What a difference a year makes.

There is something that works against this theory though...and I think I may be the only person on the whole world wide net that has thought about it. She still wears Angarano's tan leather wristwatch. How do I know it's his? He was wearing it at the MTV Movie Awards last year when he arrived with her. She was still wearing it while prepping for the Runaways (she looks awesome as Joan Jett by the way). Maybe she just really likes the watch or maybe she wants to twist the knife in a little deeper, who knows? It's kind of weird to keep wearing your ex's shit though. Usually you want to douse it with gasoline and grin as the flames flicker around it.

Haven't you guys seen Waiting to Exhale?

Trust me, it's the same watch. I've done hours of research on this. By hours I mean minutes. 60.

Rumor # 2: Is there a Pattinson bun in the oven?

Okay this was completely ludicrous. Some Aussie rag reported that KStew was preggers with Pattinson's lovechild. And while most women in the world wished it were them, I'm pretty sure this is not true. Their evidence was a picture of her alleged pooch. Okay, I'm not sure if you know this Australia, but by your calculations of her girth, every woman in America is about 50 months pregnant, me included. Just kidding, I think I could pass for only 3-4 months tops. Okay, okay 5-6. Geez. Critical. If I were to have a baby, it would be made of beer and pizza. I allege that Kristen is a healthy young girl who is still about a size 2, and she has had to squeeze her butt into painted on leather pants that were so inexplicably popular in the 70s. Thank god we're so over that time period. Heinous.

Trust me when I say she's not pregnant, I'm a doctor. And if she is, hope she gets good prenatal care, because she's been smoking up a storm lately. Can you say intrauterine fetal growth restriction? Not good.

Could you imagine if they did have a kid together? It would have the BEST hair.

Rumor # 3: RPattz and KStew and dunzo.

Smoldering. And this was before the rumors were apeshit.

Now, I don't know if I believe this, solely on the fact that I don't actually believe they are "together." You can't be broken up if you are not together, it's as simple as that. Now, that's not to say I don't think they've hooked up. They've certainly fucked, that's clearly the case...look at KStew's bedroom eyes when she looks at him. And everyone knows that he's had a crush on her from the very beginning, and he's made no secret of that to her, to their costars, or to the media. Persistence pays off, and when it's coming from the biggest movie star in the world, no woman's resolve is that great, especially when she's 19. Seriously, I could talk a 19 year old into doing pretty much anything as long as it involved free liquor. Really, if you throw in two young, sexy like-minded people (kinda grungy alterno hipster cool), they will probably at the very least hit it off and do it.

If you look at the picture above and then look at some of the pictures now, you can see a difference in Kristen's body language. Above, she's keeping him at bay, standing far enough and not quite meeting his eyes, while maintaining a look of admiration. She has a small smile for him, while he's checking out her boobs. You go, RPattz.

But let's face it, Pattinson is living in New York while filming Remember Me this summer, and KStew is in LA filming the Runaways. That's kind of far apart. Now, absence may make the heart grow fonder, but he's got like serious tail shoved in his face at every angle. I don't know any 23 year old guys who'd be all like, "Oh, but there's this girl I really care about, but I'm not really exclusive with, that I'm saving myself for..." Please. If he smokes, he pokes, and well RPattz smokes a lot.

I still don't believe he'd be with that evil Tess though, not when there's all of New York for the taking. I feel bad for him, RPattz can't hand someone his coffee cup without the media writing it up as his latest conquest. He can't do anything without paps or fans or stalkers chasing him. That's a miserable way to live. Actually at that point, it isn't really living, and you can see the strain on his face.

Although it doesn't matter what I say, I do hope the Robsten rumors are true because at least he seems happy when he's with her. They truly seem to enjoy each other's company because they are simpatico with each other--I mean, same music, same books, same movies, same temperament. They get it. And I would much rather have him be with her than some Hollywood skank like Paris Hilton. She at least seems awkward and scared and unpolished. The girl's favorite book is East of Eden, endearing her to me forever as a fellow Steinbeck aficionado. She likes Iron & Wine! She seems like she has depth at least, which I don't see emanating off the likes of Miley or Lindsay. She seems like a normal girl reacting to the insanity of fame--yeah, she might come off as bitchy or standoffish, but if I had fucking retards asking me the same questions on interviews and I was painfully shy, I'd probably be seen the same way.

Actually, I'm not famous and people see me like that, so I understand. I say let's see what happens when they start filming Eclipse, but for now I am firmly ensconced on the side of Team Robsten.

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