Thursday, April 30, 2009

Save Amy!

It's healthy to ditch class now and then--Edward Cullen

On 4/27/09, in the vein of the great Ferris Bueller, I took the day off.

It is true that there was no singing Danke Shoen or Twist and Shout while wearing lederhosen on a Steuben Day (yeah, I don't know what that is either) parade float and we did not meet Abe Froman, sausage king of Chicago; but, let me tell you, plenty happened.

The irony was that I woke up at 5 AM, much earlier than I wake up for my current rotation. We made our way over to Firefly in Westport to attend the Buzz's Kegs & Eggs with Franz Ferdinand. I like Franz Ferdinand, not only because I appreciate their brand of upbeat alt pop rock, but because they named their band after an archduke. Not only any archduke, the one who's assassination started WWI.

Plus, their song Michael is the sexiest, hottest song ever.

But I digress. The band started playing 3.5 hours after we arrived. At least we got some subpar breakfast while we waited. They played an acoustic set of four...count 'em...four songs. That's one song for every hour we were there. Ulysses, Take Me Out, No You Girls, and Dark of the Matinee. On a whim, my friends went up to say hi to a local radio personality and she gave them free concert tickets to the Franz show. Totally made this the best senior cut day since the time when Zack had to keep Jessie and Slater apart at the Max because she was totally into that douchy environmentalist Graham. GO HOME PLASTIC FOAM!


Best. Show. Ever.

It was like a little over an hour of nonstop dancing and singing and sweating. The show literally made me feel young again. They sounded so much better than they do recorded, like I am totally obsessed with the live version of Ulysses and Auf Ausche. I'm not usually attracted to men who are skinnier than me (and that's not saying much), but I said this about Alex Kapranos: "He looks so sexy, I think I just got pregnant."

Best part of the night was that they played MICHAEL! That and the closing encore of This Fire, were the best two songs of the night. Take Me Out was of course a high energy crowd pleaser, as was No You Girls and Do You Wanna? but they played my song! Swoon.

Afterwards, we waited like groupies outside their tour buses. They finally appeared as I was stuffing one of Joe's garlic breadsticks down my throat. Of course.

Despite my garlicky breath of death, I stiff-armed some 17 year olds to talk to Alex Kapranos and Nick McCarthy.

Me: OhmigodI'msohappyyouplayedMICHAELcuzitslikemyfavoritesongever!

Alex: Uhh...great. Yeah. Cheers (or something equally as British, couldn't remember, I was freaking out).
This is what happens when you ask a rando 16 year old kid to take your picture with the lead singer.

Nick broke his foot, and I told him to keep off of it and elevate it. He of course, having already sought out medical opinion, knew this. He also knew about RICE. Good for you, Nick, good for you.

In conclusion, take day off, go to free concert, get free concert tickets, go to free concert, meet rockstars.

The moral of the story is don't stay in school, kids. Life is fun.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Men men men men manly men men

McBrandon did his Top 10 list of his favorite fictitious females (alliteration!), so I made my own list. It really was just an excuse to google pictures of hot guys. I'm nothing if not unabashed.

1. Edward Cullen (Twilight)

Yeah, yeah I know. Call me dazzled though. Edward Cullen has changed the way I see men, much like #2 on this list. After reading the entire Twilight Saga in 5 days this past December, I fell in love. I fell in love with a bronze-haired, mind-reading, chiseled jaw vampire. Possessive, tortured, stalkerish, emo, caring, impetuous, self-controlled, moral. All of it, I want all of it. The greatest appeal of Edward lies in the inherent danger he possesses. I love the darkness...every woman loves a bad boy. He is not like a traditional "rebel" type though, that would be too simple. His is the worst kind of villainry because he wants to kill his soul mate, that's his inner conflict. Through the series, he is able to persevere over the monster inside and love her like no vampire has ever loved. Have you read Midnight Sun? In the retelling of Twilight from Edward's POV, he lusts for Bella's blood, and then imagines killing all of their classmates as collateral damage. How hot is that? Ultimately, I heart him because he sacrifices his every base need and desire by not killing her.

Like the Meatloaf song, he'd do anything for love, but he won't do that. "That" being ending Bella's life. Sigh.

Oh, and he drives an Aston Martin Vanquish. Need I say more?

2. Mr. Darcy (Pride & Prejudice)

My first true love, he is the reason I re-read Pride & Prejudice every year. God, I love his and Elizabeth Bennett's back and forth mental foreplay. He is such an arrogant bastard in the beginning, thinking that he is above everyone and that he can do and say whatever he wants without consequence. But you just know that he's perfect for Elizabeth because she's so haughty and prideful herself. He's a smart, wealthy, good looking, worldly and accomplished gentleman. Then he meets his mental match, and everything changes. When he makes his declaration for her in the end, oh my god, like, swoon city. The fact that his love for her changes the way he is, makes him better, is every girl's dream.

3. Batman/Bruce Wayne

Bruce Wayne is dashing, debonair and tortured at the same time. He's so vengeful and dark. I'm sensing a theme with my men here. Personality wise, he's a little aloof and a little bit cold, but he was orphaned at a young age and brought up by Alfred who isn't like Rick James in the party department. Aside from that, he wears the crap out of a tuxedo and the batsuit. He's also compassionate and charitable, and I love that he does not have to be the caped crusader. I mean he's really wealthy, so he could just hide himself away and drown in his sorrows. Instead he fights crime and protects the innocent because of his moral obligation to rid Gotham of miscreants while fighting his own personal demons.

Plus, the animated Dark Knight has got a jawline to die for.

4. Zack Morris (Saved by the Bell)

I had a crush on Zack Morris before I even knew I liked boys. I just knew I loved his all american sex appeal. It's the blond, surfer boy rascal personality that every teen idol in the 80s had (see Rick Schroeder, the Coreys, etc). He was after all, the "blond Tom Cruise." Preppie had something more though, he was so intelligent (scored a 1502 on the SATs, a feat both impressive and impossible since it is scored in 10s), always scheming and having a solution for every dilemma his friends at Bayside High had. Whether it was saving Jessie from the caffeine pills or auctioning off Lisa's clothes to pay off her credit card debt, he was always there to provide a quick and often comical fix. Also, how could you not have a Zack Attack when he called a "Time Out?" Other girls shared my opinion, as evidenced by the multitudes of women he courted throughout the series. But, as with all prince charmings, he found his true princess in Kelly Kapowski and they got married in the series finale movie, Wedding in Las Vegas. Zack and Kelly prom forever!

I still wake up extra early to watch Saved By the Bell on TBS. Sad, but true.

5. Marshall Eriksen (How I Met Your Mother)

Marshmallow! If you don't love Marshall Eriksen, I don't like you. He's the most kind, caring, loving gentle giant there is. He makes up little songs for his wife, calls her an adorable nickname (Lilypad), gets excited like a little kid, and is the best best friend Ted could have (Barney would object to this). A small town boy from Minnesota, he is loyal and tough and is an extremely multifaceted character. I mean, he's able to hold his own even though Ted is the main character and Barney is an overwhelming personality. Jason Segel just plays him as hilarious and totally awesome. He and Allyson Hannigan are the cutest thing on TV right now.

6. Ryan Atwood (The OC)

I was debating whether to put Seth Cohen or Ryan Atwood on this list and I decided on picking the latter. Seth was fine for comic relief, but the kid had self-esteem issues and could be too neurotic and panicky. Ryan, he was good through and through, even though they wanted you to believe he was a bad boy with a past because he was from Chino, shot through a grainy lens. From the day Sandy Cohen saved him, he proved to have the upper moral hand, showing everyone in the OC that they were a bunch of douchy hypocrites, and that he was the one who was an actually worthwhile person. Ryan was a smart kid and in the end, he proved all the naysayers wrong by becoming an architect and turning around and helping a wayward youth in return. I miss the OC so much.

7. Wolverine (X-Men)

It was really between Wolvy and Bruce Wayne for #1 comic. Ever since I was 7 years old, I've been obsessed with Wolverine. It's his tempestuousness. He is a badass, and when Cyclops was being all lame and fatherly, saying, "You can't do this, we could get hurt" Wolverine threw caution to the wind and did what he wanted anyway. He's dangerous and wanton and that makes him hot. Sure, the physical relationship would be a little dicey (pun intended), but the blades make it exciting, non?

8. Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl TV series, not book series)

Again with the bad boys. Chuck Bass is the biggest Basshole there is on network TV right now. He's conniving and scheming and manipulative; there is nothing he wouldn't do to get what he wants. And I love it. He is quick and has a sharp tongue, holding up with the best of them. He's the ultimate ladies man but he's surprisingly complex when it comes to dealing with his relationship with Blair Waldorf, his female counterpart. Even though I will forever love Nate Archibald and Blair together in the books, on TV Chuck is king. He is ridiculous, and he has the most wonderful sneer.

And who else could pull off purple satin pants with a pink ascot? Well, I mean other than the Joker that is.

9. Dr. Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck)

First of all, he's a plastic surgeon. Secondly, together the team of McNamara/Troy were the McSteamy and McDreamy before Grey's Anatomy ever existed. Those guys are totally lame and wimpy compared to Dr. Troy; he paved the way for badass surgeons everywhere (except for maybe Dr. Peter Benton). Christian was sexiness and bravado and talent rolled into one hot designer suited package. Of course, he almost got HIV, was the target of an obsessed serial mutilator, fathered his best friend's son, and was the biggest manwhore in Miami, but you know nobody's perfect. Don't judge.

10. James Bond

The ultimate in debonair gentleman, James Bond is the whole package. He's obviously in top physical shape, has intellect to boot, and is apparently invincible. Since he's a secret agent, he's definitely mysterious, there would always be peril to keep things exciting. Downsides, he's a little bit of an alcoholic, plus he probably has at the minimum, dozens of STDs. He also drives an Aston Martin (we'll forget about when he drove the BMW Z3 roadster) and has access to every cool gadget in the world. Christmas would be so awesome!

Is it weird that more than half of these guys could give me herpes?

Monday, April 27, 2009

If U Seek Amy

Since McBrandon wrote about his top 10 fictional women, I decided to make a similar list, except I decided to do a list of Amys. I feel like the name has fallen out of favor in recent times (top 20-30 baby names in 2000s, huge in the 80s), which is unfortunate. I love my name, and apparently Britney Spears (or her team of songwriters) does too.

In descending order:

5. Amy Wong "Out of this World Amy"

This is an inside joke, but she looks like me. I mean, look at her calf to ankle ratio--she's got cankles, too! I totally got this picture off a "Top 50 Animated Hotties" site, a website true in its perversion.

4. Amy Fischer "Notorious Amy"

I'm not saying I condone her because I think what she did was pretty deplorable. But no one can deny that she's got balls. I mean, she had an underaged affair with a guy named Joey Buttafucco. I mean, I can't even type that guy's name without smirking to myself. Earning the nickname Long Island Lolita, she shot her lover's wife, Mary Jo, in the face. Hell hath no fury like an Amy scorned. Remember that. She's now a porn star, which is where all infamous 'celebrities' go to pasture.

3. Amy Winehouse "Insane in the Membrane Amy"

Oh, what to say that hasn't already been said about the beehived one. She wins most insane Amy for obvious reasons. Apart from her constant coked out antics, she is a very talented singer. Imagine if we could get her off the sauce, she would be unstoppable.

2. Amy Adams "Without a Doubt Amy"

So, I haven't actually seen any Amy Adams movies except for Catch Me If You Can. She is obviously very talented and on the up and up, since she's already been nominated for 2 Oscars, and even sang on the telecast a few years back. Plus, I really like her style, especially her Oscar dress jewelry. I thought the huge collar of jewels was striking, so take that Debbie Matenopoulos. She has an impressive and broad resume, and I'm really looking forward to seeing Sunshine Cleaning Co.

1. Amy Poehler "God Love ya, Amy"

I want to be Amy Poehler. This Baby Mama literally steals every movie she's in (Mean Girls! What's up, girlfriends! I'm the cool mom!), and her baby daddy is Will Arnett! Plus, she's on that new Parks & Recreation show that looks like the Office, when it was still funny. I miss you Michael Scott.

Honorable mentions go to Amy Grant, Amy Smart, Amy Tan and Amy Lee.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

this is so going on my blog...

While thinking up titles for my blog this morning, being a wholly original person, I thought how about a play on words? Way to have an original thought, right?

This is my third blog. This time I've partaken because I'm totally copying Brandon and Barney Stinson (that guy's awesome). You know what they say about imitation and flattery and all that.

My first one, the eleventh grade debut "It's alright 'cause I'm saved by the bell" was not only a blatant copyright infringement, but also a whole mouthful to say. The second still semi-active one is KC Foodie. At least that one is self-explanatory.

For this new foray into the blogosphere, the only specification I had was that I wanted a one word title--short and to the point. Which is the opposite of the writing style of this blog.

First, I thought of words that had the letters ENT in them, as tribute to my chosen medical specialty. Umm yeah, big mistake. Do you know how many words have the letters ENT in them? A lot...and actually when I was thinking up usernames for this Otolaryngology website I used to visit, I was going to choose studENT because it spells out stud ENT. I am very creative.

Words that almost made the cut: precedENT, anteceDENT, resiDENT, testamENT, lamENT, inclemENT, even indecENT. The last one would still be in the running except that I always get a mental picture of Demi Moore and Robert Redford doing it when I hear that word.

The ENT thing would be fine except, I will probably not blog about medicine, so it's pretty moot to give tribute to ENT without ever talking about it. That hardly seems fair.

Next, I looked for words with the letters A-M-Y in them. After rejecting monogamy, bigamy, and polygamy, I found the perfect word.

Cockamamy. I know, right? And yes, you can spell it that way.

Definition: ridiculous, pointless, or nonsensical.

If this blog isn't that, I don't know what it is.

Blogger wouldn't let me have the title. I searched for another blog thinking some amazing person had already beaten me to it, but nothing. Will they not let me have the title because it has the word cock in it? That's unfair, I'm sure they'd let someone have the words title or titular or proclitic or cliticize. And then there's my favorite word with my name in it, chlamydia. Fun for everyone. Honestly though, those words are much dirtier than cock am amy.