Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Men men men men manly men men

McBrandon did his Top 10 list of his favorite fictitious females (alliteration!), so I made my own list. It really was just an excuse to google pictures of hot guys. I'm nothing if not unabashed.

1. Edward Cullen (Twilight)

Yeah, yeah I know. Call me dazzled though. Edward Cullen has changed the way I see men, much like #2 on this list. After reading the entire Twilight Saga in 5 days this past December, I fell in love. I fell in love with a bronze-haired, mind-reading, chiseled jaw vampire. Possessive, tortured, stalkerish, emo, caring, impetuous, self-controlled, moral. All of it, I want all of it. The greatest appeal of Edward lies in the inherent danger he possesses. I love the darkness...every woman loves a bad boy. He is not like a traditional "rebel" type though, that would be too simple. His is the worst kind of villainry because he wants to kill his soul mate, that's his inner conflict. Through the series, he is able to persevere over the monster inside and love her like no vampire has ever loved. Have you read Midnight Sun? In the retelling of Twilight from Edward's POV, he lusts for Bella's blood, and then imagines killing all of their classmates as collateral damage. How hot is that? Ultimately, I heart him because he sacrifices his every base need and desire by not killing her.

Like the Meatloaf song, he'd do anything for love, but he won't do that. "That" being ending Bella's life. Sigh.

Oh, and he drives an Aston Martin Vanquish. Need I say more?

2. Mr. Darcy (Pride & Prejudice)

My first true love, he is the reason I re-read Pride & Prejudice every year. God, I love his and Elizabeth Bennett's back and forth mental foreplay. He is such an arrogant bastard in the beginning, thinking that he is above everyone and that he can do and say whatever he wants without consequence. But you just know that he's perfect for Elizabeth because she's so haughty and prideful herself. He's a smart, wealthy, good looking, worldly and accomplished gentleman. Then he meets his mental match, and everything changes. When he makes his declaration for her in the end, oh my god, like, swoon city. The fact that his love for her changes the way he is, makes him better, is every girl's dream.

3. Batman/Bruce Wayne

Bruce Wayne is dashing, debonair and tortured at the same time. He's so vengeful and dark. I'm sensing a theme with my men here. Personality wise, he's a little aloof and a little bit cold, but he was orphaned at a young age and brought up by Alfred who isn't like Rick James in the party department. Aside from that, he wears the crap out of a tuxedo and the batsuit. He's also compassionate and charitable, and I love that he does not have to be the caped crusader. I mean he's really wealthy, so he could just hide himself away and drown in his sorrows. Instead he fights crime and protects the innocent because of his moral obligation to rid Gotham of miscreants while fighting his own personal demons.

Plus, the animated Dark Knight has got a jawline to die for.

4. Zack Morris (Saved by the Bell)

I had a crush on Zack Morris before I even knew I liked boys. I just knew I loved his all american sex appeal. It's the blond, surfer boy rascal personality that every teen idol in the 80s had (see Rick Schroeder, the Coreys, etc). He was after all, the "blond Tom Cruise." Preppie had something more though, he was so intelligent (scored a 1502 on the SATs, a feat both impressive and impossible since it is scored in 10s), always scheming and having a solution for every dilemma his friends at Bayside High had. Whether it was saving Jessie from the caffeine pills or auctioning off Lisa's clothes to pay off her credit card debt, he was always there to provide a quick and often comical fix. Also, how could you not have a Zack Attack when he called a "Time Out?" Other girls shared my opinion, as evidenced by the multitudes of women he courted throughout the series. But, as with all prince charmings, he found his true princess in Kelly Kapowski and they got married in the series finale movie, Wedding in Las Vegas. Zack and Kelly prom forever!

I still wake up extra early to watch Saved By the Bell on TBS. Sad, but true.

5. Marshall Eriksen (How I Met Your Mother)

Marshmallow! If you don't love Marshall Eriksen, I don't like you. He's the most kind, caring, loving gentle giant there is. He makes up little songs for his wife, calls her an adorable nickname (Lilypad), gets excited like a little kid, and is the best best friend Ted could have (Barney would object to this). A small town boy from Minnesota, he is loyal and tough and is an extremely multifaceted character. I mean, he's able to hold his own even though Ted is the main character and Barney is an overwhelming personality. Jason Segel just plays him as hilarious and totally awesome. He and Allyson Hannigan are the cutest thing on TV right now.

6. Ryan Atwood (The OC)

I was debating whether to put Seth Cohen or Ryan Atwood on this list and I decided on picking the latter. Seth was fine for comic relief, but the kid had self-esteem issues and could be too neurotic and panicky. Ryan, he was good through and through, even though they wanted you to believe he was a bad boy with a past because he was from Chino, shot through a grainy lens. From the day Sandy Cohen saved him, he proved to have the upper moral hand, showing everyone in the OC that they were a bunch of douchy hypocrites, and that he was the one who was an actually worthwhile person. Ryan was a smart kid and in the end, he proved all the naysayers wrong by becoming an architect and turning around and helping a wayward youth in return. I miss the OC so much.

7. Wolverine (X-Men)

It was really between Wolvy and Bruce Wayne for #1 comic. Ever since I was 7 years old, I've been obsessed with Wolverine. It's his tempestuousness. He is a badass, and when Cyclops was being all lame and fatherly, saying, "You can't do this, we could get hurt" Wolverine threw caution to the wind and did what he wanted anyway. He's dangerous and wanton and that makes him hot. Sure, the physical relationship would be a little dicey (pun intended), but the blades make it exciting, non?

8. Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl TV series, not book series)

Again with the bad boys. Chuck Bass is the biggest Basshole there is on network TV right now. He's conniving and scheming and manipulative; there is nothing he wouldn't do to get what he wants. And I love it. He is quick and has a sharp tongue, holding up with the best of them. He's the ultimate ladies man but he's surprisingly complex when it comes to dealing with his relationship with Blair Waldorf, his female counterpart. Even though I will forever love Nate Archibald and Blair together in the books, on TV Chuck is king. He is ridiculous, and he has the most wonderful sneer.

And who else could pull off purple satin pants with a pink ascot? Well, I mean other than the Joker that is.

9. Dr. Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck)

First of all, he's a plastic surgeon. Secondly, together the team of McNamara/Troy were the McSteamy and McDreamy before Grey's Anatomy ever existed. Those guys are totally lame and wimpy compared to Dr. Troy; he paved the way for badass surgeons everywhere (except for maybe Dr. Peter Benton). Christian was sexiness and bravado and talent rolled into one hot designer suited package. Of course, he almost got HIV, was the target of an obsessed serial mutilator, fathered his best friend's son, and was the biggest manwhore in Miami, but you know nobody's perfect. Don't judge.

10. James Bond

The ultimate in debonair gentleman, James Bond is the whole package. He's obviously in top physical shape, has intellect to boot, and is apparently invincible. Since he's a secret agent, he's definitely mysterious, there would always be peril to keep things exciting. Downsides, he's a little bit of an alcoholic, plus he probably has at the minimum, dozens of STDs. He also drives an Aston Martin (we'll forget about when he drove the BMW Z3 roadster) and has access to every cool gadget in the world. Christmas would be so awesome!

Is it weird that more than half of these guys could give me herpes?


  1. *swoon* My thoughts:
    1. Edward Cullen: Forget Bella, bite me! It would totally be worth it.
    2. Fitzwilliam Darcy: Chivalry at its finest.
    3. Batman: Not everyone can pull off those pants.
    4. Zack Morris: His cell phone only made him that much hotter.
    5. Marshall Eriksen: ?? I will take your word for it. Haven't seen the show.
    6. Ryan Atwood: I personally love Seth Cohen, but I can find no fault in Ryan.
    7. Wolverine: Rugged, handsome, sexy. Nice pick.
    8. Chuck Bass: Sneaky from what I can tell, but very cute. I should probably read the books though and not concentrate on the show :)
    9. Christian Troy: Also known as Cole or Belthazor, my monster turned lawyer turned source of all evil on Charmed. Obviously, danger speaks to me,
    10. James Bond: I can't believe the beating his Aston Martin took in the first scene of the most recent movie. At least he was left unscathed.

  2. Agree with 3, 9, and 10. Zack Morris wouldn't stand a chance against Slater. Ryan Atwood has addiction genes in his DNA. Wolverine is Australian. Chuck is a douche.