Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Twilight Saga New Moon: making people buy tickets to shitty movies

The official New Moon trailer is being shown before the Citizen Kane comparable movie Sorority Row this weekend. I believe this is the movie with Audrina Patridge, which she probably is spectacular in because she's already got the zombie dead eyes. If you ever meet me, you should ask me to do my impression of her face, it's pretty spot on.

I have to break this trailer down, it is so fantastic. I mean, Chris Weitz is a genius. I have to say it. The man made American Pie and About a Boy, two of my favorite movies ever. Like, I watched About a Boy two weeks ago, and fuck me, Hugh Grant is awesome. I digress though.

Oh shit, the Volturi. Michael Sheen looks so freaky when he's breaking that guy's neck...although I guess anyone would be if they were killing someone. Oh Edward. He looks like a dad wearing that blazer, seriously, where'd he get that from Carlisle's closet? Regardless he looks like a DILF.

"Promise me you won't do anything reckless." Kristen Stewart looks like she's going into a conniption when he tells her she doesn't belong in his life. And she sounds all guttural when she's having a nightmare about him. People have been having conniptions about the color of his Volvo. No, it does not look like silver. It's still a Volvo, and it's still a total dad car, why doesn't Edward get a sporty little Bimmer like Rosalie? He really is like 108 years old, the only age where that kind of car is appropriate.

KStew looks totally hot in the motorcycle scene, her hair is all reddish and blowing in the wind. Too bad Jacob has to go and ruin the scene by existing. "I know what he did to you, I'd never hurt you." Well, Jacob that's because you suck. If you love someone you have to let them go sometimes, and Edward did it to protect her, no matter how totally lame that was. You are selfish and continually want to expose her to the wolfpack, where she could totally get hurt. Have you not seen what Sam did to Emily? Asshole.

Yeah, and don't grab her arm to stop her from going to save Edward, k? Thx.

Alice looks so cute when she's driving her porsche. Oh Edward in front of the Volturi, that scene is going to be so badass. He looks so wan and pained. And shirtless, definitely shirtless. KStew's all running through a fountain and screaming. That penultimate scene where Demetri is slamming Edward down on the ground and then the logo flashes is kickass.

Man the wolfpack fighting Laurent looks awesome, and closer to what I was imagining for that scene. And oh god, more Volturi. Apparently that scene is all about beating the shit out of Edward. The last part of the trailer where Dakota Fanning says, "This may hurt just a little," gave me chills.

I'm glad they had a lot of Alice and Volturi in this trailer. Not so much Cullens or Jacob. They gave a little taste of Italy and the wolfpack (who by the way, have amazing bodies, like holy shit). There was some action, Rob shirtless, Charlie Swan, and Jessica (whom I love in the movie). They did such a superior job on the makeup for this movie, it's unbelieveable. They even got a song from Death Cab on the soundtrack!

It looks way less cheesy than the other trailer did. When I first saw the trailer for Twilight, I hadn't read the books and as I was watching, two things flashed through my mind.

1. Cam Gigandet is such a douche. And I'm sure he's not in real life, but judging from his role as Volchok on the OC, and now as long flaxen haired baddie vamp James, I just want to hate him. He is very, very sexy though when he's not in James character. This was the first time I'd seen him since the OC, so that bad taste was still in my mouth.

2. This movie looks so effing lame. Like, Edward jumpin' around trees, stoppin' a truck, sayin' cheesy lines to Bella. He looks like a crazed meth addict with that hair and those expressions. I watched the trailer again the other day on the DVD, and I cringed. Knowing nothing about the books and seeing that did not make me want to see the movie. Really, "Forever begins now," in sparkly lettering? Is that how that's going to go?

This New Moon trailer might actually make people who aren't fans want to see the movie, the special effects look badass, the action is there, there looks like something more than just a love story between an awkward girl and her vampire boyfriend. Only 69 days, huzzah!

No comments:

Post a Comment