Thursday, August 20, 2009

Call me Alice Cullen...

Because I'm clairvoyant. Did I not totally call it? Robsten are totally doing it. You may have recalled when in this groundbreaking post I broke it down and gave evidence of their obvious hookup. The longing glances, the late night taxicab rides, the hotel rendezvous. Yeah, pretty much more of the same, except they are being much more public (or much less careful) about things.

It was only time. If a sexy british man blubbers everyone he's in love with you and serenades you with emo shit songs on his guitar, you will succumb. It's a scientifically proven fact.

Exhibit 1: Comic Con

They didn't have much interaction there possibly due to intervention from Summit peeps. The studio should know by now that wild horses couldn't keep the sexual magnetism of these two apart. But, it was the first reunion since the filming of New Moon wrapped, and there was much awkwardness. According to the US Weekly, Kristen freaked out about what to wear! What a 19 year old. Who cares what you're going to wear, sweetheart, it's going to end up in a dirty pile with his clothes anyway. And neither of them are any sort of cleanly these days.

They always had Taylor Lautner standing between them like some sort of celibacy wall (he is 17), and the two barely interacted at all, save for some really awkward looking photo ops. It was almost as if they had never met each other. I think that was nerves plus they hadn't seen each other in awhile and it's always kind of awkward in that way. Plus Kristen was having a bad mullet day. The mullet has looked better. The mullet can be mighty.

However, they did stay on the same floor of the Hard Rock in San Diego (which of course translates into sex because you can't stay on the same floor of a hotel and not do it) and Rob did convince KStew to ride back to LA in his limo (fancy pants). Reports were that she gave him the cold shoulder because of his alleged dalliance with Evil Tess and that he was trying to get her back. I still don't believe he hit that. I'm sure RPattz totally effed a ton of chicks in NYC, but I prefer to think they were nameless models with no souls.

Exhibit 2: Teen Choice Awards weekend

RPattz made his way back to Los Angeles after wrapping up Remember Me in NYC. Seemingly, as soon as he checked into the Chateau Marmont, there were Robsten sightings abound. First, they were seen at Bobby Long and Marcus Foster concerts. Don't worry if you don't know who they are, they are friends of RPattz whose fan base is probably mostly made up of Twi-teens and their horny moms. Trust. She was then seen hanging out with him on his hotel room balcony, leaving his hotel early in the morning (GASP), and going out to lunch with him. Lunch date = fucking. And it's not only her going to him; no, KStew does not play that way. RPattz was seen driving a hunter green Boxter from her family's house in the Valley. THE VALLEY.

First of all how the fuck did he get there? And don't say by car, because that's just smart alecky. I mean, I lived in California for 18 years and I couldn't make my way to the valley. Rather, I refuse. He's from effing the UK. WTF. Like, he must be in fucking love with her if he's willing to drive out to BFE.

Those sightings along are more than we've had in like two years of speculation. They are either getting sloppy, or they just don't give a fuck who cares. Everything is really purposeful. Like celebrities are very fucked up in the head. They always complain about having paps follow them around, but then they turn around and stay at the most visible and famous celebrity hangout in LA. Like, if you don't want to be followed or found, why don't you stay in Pasadena or even Downtown (the horror). The pool at Chateau is crawling with hollywood snitches and another word that rhymes with that. Celebrities subconsciously want to be found because they thrive from the attention. That's why they went into acting. Duh.

Evidence #3: Kings of Leon

By now, everyone who cares has seen these photos. And if you haven't, you can go crawl back under the rock from whenst you came. Now, you can be in denial and say oh they are just talking, concerts are loud. You would be a damned, dirty liar. They are clearly making out and there is no disputing it. Hear that? It's millions of hearts breaking around the world.

I go to a lot of concerts. Big, little, indoor, outdoor, etc. I consider myself somewhat of an authority on concerts. Yes, I will give you that they are loud. The decline on my audiogram can tell you that. But in my experience, I nor anyone with me has ever had to turn a complete 180 to speak. If you shout in someone's ear who is sitting next to you, they'll hear it. He is not simply talking to her.

In their defense, a Kings of Leon concert is like basically aural sex, so it could have just been the environment that pushed them into making out in public in front of a bunch of paps. But then, you don't see Taylor Lautner and Nikki Reed going at it...Taylor is probably smarter than that. Nothing against Nikki, but she dates Paris Hilton's ex. Make of that what you will.

Pictures are a thousand words and from these pictures I deduced several things. Rob is drinking a Heineken keg can, as is the underage Kristen. They smoke a lot, as does Jackson Rathbone. Kellan, the one texting, probably doesn't even like KoL but since everyone else was going, he didn't want to be the loser left out. I've also learned that Ashley Greene is the smartest cast member...well except for the nude pics, but what did I say about actors above? She's all up on Xavier Samuel (Riley), and he is hot. She's also allegedly hooked up with Chace Crawford, Adrian Grenier, and Ian Somerhalder. Get it girl.

On to Robsten, they are laughing, leaning in and talking, he's clearly enjoying the music. She is leaning back in the chair, her feet up against the railing, and he is shoving his tongue down her throat. She may have a mullet, but she is a smart, smart girl. Kellan is taking pics with his phone because it's so hot he wants to save some for later when he's back at the hotel by his lonesome because he's got no costar to hook up with...pobrecita, Kellan.

They've started filming Eclipse, and I guarantee you this is not the last we've seen of the Robsten PDA. I love it.

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